Thursday, April 16, 2009

Notice of Invasion

To the citizens of Occidental Minolo:

In view of your perpetual error of electing traditional politicians and their cahoots to power and your continuous inability to breed, support and choose competent leaders, we are serving you this Notice of Invasion.

For going against the fundamental tenets of the Almighty Fuuman Empire, your province shall be put under our control until after required changes and specific choices have been successfully made.

You shall be no longer be part of the Republic of the Philippines and effective today shall be put under the colony of the Fuuma Empire. The Great Kubilai is your emperor and shall exercise sovereignty over this other half of the island.

President Kim Tiu-Cuenca immediately approved the issuance of this Notice because of her odd but overwhelming defeat in Occidental Minolo, her second home province,- last 2028 presidential elections.

However, this Notice does NOT cover Oriental Minolo for they always elect a bunch of dedicated and trusting leaders. It has been breeding haven of selfless politicians and genuine public servants since 1990s.

The Fuuma Empire shall immediately appoint a Governor and a Vice Governor. Your representative to the Philippine Congress likewise be replaced. They will be substituted by two (2) women,- Mimi and Annie, both trusted community organizers of the Fuuma Empire.

Please be informed also that your Vice Governor will be replaced by Shinkan Poe for they have a certain thing in common. They are both strategists.

Your Provincial Board shall be dissolved immediately. But since said august body have provided massive display of weak and indecisive positions on the Screw Mineral’s mining application in the past 30 years or so, for issuing an exploration permit for the Pit King Oil including other major ecological concerns, a grand Galactic Freak Show will be established by the Empire to provide employment exclusively for your former Board Members. They will be hired as make-up artists and performers. Narcoleptics and buffons,- young and old, included.

Moreover, those who renewed the permit for the dreaded Semi Titanic Lottery or STL will now be employed as milk-gatherers of female Tamaraws outside of the Manoot Gene Pool and Research Center. They must produce five (5) liters of milk everyday. Failure to do so will be meted out with corresponding penalty. May this remind them of the truth that STL though legal, is gambling and gambling is a vice and it will never be a virtue. Then and now.

All of them will be punished for making the lives of the Mangyans miserable up to present time. And for practically doing nothing in connection with the IPRA including inaction and lack of support pertaining to the ancestral domain claims of the indigenous peoples. Also for gradually downgrading the Mangyan culture by and large.

The Fuuma Warriors shall exercise extreme police authority and control to any law or ordinance enacted by the Great Kubilai,- the Most Supreme Fuuma, and the rest of his Imperial Council.

We will show no mercy to coup plotters, revolutionaries, vagabonds, jaywalkers and other lawless elements who will disobey general and internal rules of the Fuuma Empire. Be it a dreamer or a performer,- gay or straight.

In order for this Notice be automatically revoked and for us to consequently order the withdrawal of our Almighty Fuaman warriors on Earth specifically in Occidental Minolo,- thus your return to your former civil status under Government of the Republic of the Philippines, you are hereby commanded to do the following:

1. Organize a third political force as an alternative to the so-called Dream Time and Performance Tamed;

2. Identify and train young potential alternative candidates or politicians for series of lectures/workshops/conferences on good governance and participatory democracy;

3. Solicit moral support and financial assistance from local businessmen and entrepreneurs for projects and programs geared towards voting competent, dedicated and young candidates to political power and authority;

4. Establish a multi-sectoral and province-wide citizens’ movement as a vehicle for the conduct of series of anti-trapo and issue-based education and other related political actions;

5. Constant contact with spaceship Vavilos for its intervention towards your immediate salvation;

6. Conduct, too, regular visit to Strange Dimension for long life, power, strength and stamina; and,

7. Live your faith in politics and in everyday life (in case you’re still is and wanted to remain a Christian, or in general, a believer).

You will receive further order and decrees in the coming weeks.

Congratulations. With this new semi-cosmic sets of policies and structure, we are hoping that Occidental Minolo could finally get rid of its majority of self-centered leaders, their lapdogs and propagandists. And would ultimately reach progress and total development and be proud citizens of planet Earth and the whole Milky Way Galaxy.

May the Force be with us.
Date issued : 23 January 2034

(Translated from the Fuuman language “Wakhal”)

(Note : My apologies to Toei Company, the makers of TV Asahi’s “Uchu Keiji Shaider”. Also inspired by Jessica Zafra’s article “Su Casa, es Mi Casa” from p. 53 of her book “Twisted 6” published in 2002.-NAN)


  1. Uy, how galactic naman! pang-universe ka na tlaga! well anyway, the buffoons should read that. care to send it to them?

  2. This is a sad parody with lots of truth in it. All MindoreƱos (occidental) should all wake up now before it’s too late. But who is to blame, the voters or the politicians?

  3. Dear Prof. Yodz:

    Both. But especially the citizens.
    Thanks for dropping by again....